Touched by Grace - Story 13/52

“Our souls are eternally connected and we’re just walking each other home.” @jarrodschuch

I recently read “The Most Important Thing” by Adyashanti and his discussion about “grace" resonated with me. Grace, he says, “comes when we receive an insight, something beautiful, love, an opening, or a revelation about the world.”

Grace. That word fills me with a serene sense of beauty and peace and, in the world today, it seems like we feel (and see) very little of that. There have been but a handful of times I’ve felt anything like it to the degree it made a life-changing impact on me but I do remember one time - an incredibly sad time - when in the midst of great grief I felt what can only be described as profound enlightenment.

When my beautiful sister-in-law was in palliative care, losing her final battle to the cancer she’d fought fiercely for over five years, we all came together to be with her. For about a week, her husband, children, sister and brother, extended family and friends stayed by her bedside. We talked to her and reminisced; we played her favorite music; hugged and kissed her; wet her parched lips. There were many tears but also laughter as we recalled some of the best times we’d shared with her over each of our lifetimes.

While none of us knew for sure this was the “end” - she’d rallied before - I think there was a general feeling among us that she’d fought long enough. She deserved a release from the suffering even though we selfishly did not want to lose her and all that she meant to each of us. As she grew weaker and slept more, we gathered around her, some sitting on her bed or laying with her; others sitting in chairs or standing close by. With each breath she took, we all held our own breath, only releasing it when she took another one.

I remember my tears and the huge lump I got in my throat as I witnessed her husband and kids holding her hands, stroking her brow, telling her they loved her. Her husband gave her permission to leave, finally, when he could tell she was fighting to stay. The doctor told us it wouldn’t be long and within minutes, though I was no longer in her room, I swear I felt her spirit take flight as her earthly body exhaled its last breath.

At that moment, a feeling came over me I find hard to describe.

Of course, overwhelming sadness and grief were immediate as everyone embraced and cried but I also felt privileged to having been witness to something that touched my soul deeply. Though I had not been witness to the birth of this incredible woman, I had been blessed, for over thirty years, with her friendship, her wit, her laugh, her tears, her generosity, her no-nonsense approach to life, and her love. To have been part of being there to help “walk her home” gave me something more spiritual than anything I’d ever experienced. It gave me a profound gratitude for her life - and a renewed appreciation for my own. It gave me a connection to something bigger than me and that connection brought me peace.

It’s an indescribable feeling to let go of all the meaningless things we worry about and let ourselves settle into the comfort of knowing, deep inside, that there is nothing to worry about. That insight, that revelation, is what frees us to simply BE...until our soul is walked home. That, is grace.

Judy, it was a privilege to walk beside you. Forever loved. Forever missed. Until we meet again.