Pass It On or Let It Go? - Story 14/52

Back in my day (I sound like an official old-timer, don’t I?) when a young woman got engaged to be married, one of the first things she did was pick out china, crystal, and flatware patterns and register them, usually at a jewelry store, so wedding guests could give that as a gift if they wanted to. Each place setting was quite expensive compared to good old Corelle dishes (which are still around, by the way, and have some fantastic designs). Maybe this tradition was a throwback to what the previous generations did but as I strive to become more minimalist, these dishes only make me feel guilty. In thirty-five years of marriage, I don’t think I’ve used this fine china more than a handful of times.

It’s a place setting for seven. That’s how many we received as wedding gifts and I just never got around to buying another set to round out the number. So, when I did bring them out to grace our table, it seemed to defeat the whole purpose when I had to add a mismatched setting of the everyday dishes for our guests. My “fine” china, therefore, holds very few memories of celebration for me or anyone else in our family. It never had the chance to take on heirloom status. So, what to do with these dishes?

I know I don’t want them taking up space in my cupboards anymore. Should I store them away in some obscure closet with the hope that my granddaughter will one day want them? I have a feeling by the time she moves out on her own (do kids move out anymore?) the last thing she’ll be interested in is having a set of fancy dishes. More likely, she’ll be traveling around the world with a backpack and a camera (I hope she does!). Shall I post them for sale on Facebook? Maybe there’s someone out there with that exact pattern who wants to add to their own set or replace a few of theirs that got broken. Or do I donate them to a thrift store and forget about them? That seems wrong. After all, these were gifts. They’re supposed to MEAN something. Oh, Maria Kondo (KonMari?) whatever shall I do?

When I think of the things I have been left with, from my grandmother and mother especially, they are very simple things: my mom’s lipstick case, her slippers, my great-grandmother's Irish gold wedding band and little, heartfelt notes Mom wrote to me mean more than anything. My grandma’s typewriter (an ancient Remington), all of her published articles and stories she wrote (as well as most of her rejected and rough drafts), and her Singer sewing machine (the treadle type) are more precious to me than diamonds. These things, while insignificant to most people, prompt instant memories that are testaments to our everlasting connection.

I do have a few things I wish to pass on: my wedding dress, mostly because I’m sure my progeny will have a good laugh over the styles we wore but also because, to me, it's a symbol of unity - of a young woman excited to begin her life with the man of her dreams, unsure of what lay ahead but eager to experience whatever would come; my wedding rings, paintings I’ve attempted that turned out not too bad; my journals and writings that chronicle my life and changing attitudes over the decades. These things hold meaning and memories and continuance that, I hope, will be appreciated by my family members who might end up with them.

So, back to this set of china. What to do? Pass it on or let it go? For now, I’ve packed them up in newspaper and stored them away. I’m not ready to make the final decision. Getting rid of clothes, shoes, gadgets, and old tax returns is easy but deciding to banish something that could hold a unique memory is hard.

One day, when my family is tasked with the unenviable job of cleaning out our house, someone else will get to make those decisions. Maybe one of them will claim those dishes. Maybe not. I know they will be drawn to the items that trigger a memory of me or of happy times we shared and if that’s as simple as my perfume bottle or my slippers, it will be more than enough.

I'm realizing (as an old-timer) that it's not the "stuff" we accumulate that means the most. The significance of our lives exists in what makes us unique - our smile, our laugh, our beliefs; in the memories we create for (and with) someone; in the gifts of wisdom we pass on. This understanding is making it easier for me to clear out the unnecessary material burdens that make me feel heavy and only hold on to the things that, when I see them, make me smile and feel complete.